Not saying goodbye, but instead, "Hasta luego!" (see you later!)

Hey people,
I'm just going to a "goodbye party" so I feel this is the right time to post this blog, especially seeing as most/everyone has gone now.....
This is the crazy thing about Erasmus. You meet people who you would never have imagined meeting before in your life. People from all different countries, different walks of life. Some you meet and think you'll become fast friends, and that sadly doesn't happen. But the most surprising and amazing thing for me is when you meet someone who you at first thing that you have nothing in common with- but you end up becoming very very good friends.
Now, I guess that is a life thing too, but there's something about Erasmus that is unique- you're all in the same position. You've all come to a foreign place, with a foreign language, and you've all been thrown into the deep end.
Some people only come here for 5 months. I'm here for a total of 10 months, which for me although at first it seems like a lot, having been here for the first half it seems to have gone sooo quickly. I'm not sure that I will want to leave when it comes to it. Actually, what am I saying, OF COURSE I won't want to leave. I always miss England, my family and my friends, but living here and having this opportunity is something that I may welll never have again.
Anyway, back to the goodbyes. Some of them have been horrible. One of my best friends here has already left me (you know who you are :( ) and she was someone who I always talked to (about anything), we went out, we went to Salamanca, we made an awful lot of memories. And there are my flatmates too, who put up with me :D and who have made my experience here so far very special.
It's very sad to say goodbye especially when you think that some of these people you may never see again, but I hope that some day, I will. (Also, you know who you are, we definately WILL be seeing each other again ;))
Anyways, that's it for now I guess. Hope you all have a great night!
:D

I have returned....with a new flat!

Helloooooo,
So I haven't blogged for a while! I don't really have a legitimate excuse, just the fact that I've been extremely lazy/went back to England for Christmas/had exams to revise for and sit/had to move flats/had to say goodbye to everyone :( I've got a few blogposts that I need to do, and I'm not sure that I'll be able to do them in chronological order as everything has happened so fast since I got back after Christmas!
I guess the first thing I'll share is my new flat :D I was perfectly happy with my old flat, and I loved my landlords (a couple) as I never had any problems with them and I felt like if I had any problems I could go and ask and they would sort it (like when the toilet lock broke and I got locked inside- that was a scary time!). So why did I move? Well, a lot of the Erasmus students only stay for 5 months, and that's what my German flatmates did. So, it was either stay in my old flat and look for two more flat mates, or, I had the offer of moving in with my English friend higher up in El Casco (the historic part of Toledo) which was a lot closer to the university. Also, something else which really motivated me was the fact that this new flat has an oven. For some reason, and I never realised, ovens aren't really on high priority in Spanish flats. I found this extremely odd, but I've realised that it's not that uncommon. However, it did impede me from cooking a lot of things that I used to in England :(
Another huge motivation? My bedroom has a double bed :D I have never had a double bed before, so that for me was a huge luxury that I couldn't pass up.
Sooooo, here is my bedroom:

And this is the living room:


(I apologise for the lighting it's quite a sunny day today!)
So now I am living with two lovely girls, one English, and one that isn't English but has lived and studied in England for several years. :D (although we are worried we're gonna just end up speaking English and not Spanish, nooo que pena....)
The building is a lot different to my old one. It's a lot bigger, and there's a lot more residents (in my old building there were only three flats, so you were unlikely to bump into anyone). So it's more of an adventure going up and down the stairs, will I bump into anyone :O There's a lady on my floor who looks to be in her sixties, and she's wears this huuuuuuge fur coat....The older ladies always get dressed up in Spain, even if they're just going to the local food shop, but I guess that's a different blog post....
The only thing I have against this flat so far is how cold it is, especially at night. However, it's cold in general in Toledo at the moment, probably not by England standards, but it definately is by Spain standards. I'm just hoping it warms up soon!
:D

The beauty of Toledo, is in the eyes of everyone...

Hey people,

This is a post I've been meaning to do for a while (well, since I started this blog, but let's not go into that...) Today I finally had the chance to go and take pictures down by the river, where I go running, and every time I go there I think, "I MUST come here with my camera so that I can take photos" but then another day goes by and it doesn't happen.
Well, today it did happen. I've been in a very foul mood of late, and because I was woken up at 6 and then couldn't get back to sleep, I thought I would get up and go for a walk to try and make myself feel a bit better, instead of just vegging which is what I normally do.
So I went, camera in hand, down to the river. Sadly, the light was a bit too bright on one side of the river, where the views are more spectaculer, so the photos there didn't work out very well :( But I wanted to give an idea of the place that I'm lucky enough to be living in right now.
I took quite a few photos, so I don't think I'll put them all. But here we go:



This is the view you get when you look away from Toledo. I think this kind of view of the fields, looks to me what I think of as typical Spain- even though it's winter, it looks barren, dry almost, but with a few trees dotted around- I find it really beautiful, and I find myself staring at this view a lot. (Although I must point out, as I've found out since being here, EVERYONE has a different idea of what they think is "typical Spain"- some people think the south is Spain, whereas those from the north see the middle and south of Spain as "heathen" places. Not their words, but that's the impression I get when speaking to them.)



I walk across the bridge to go for my run and to get out of the city to go to the train station- beautiful right?



Part of the track where I run :)



Part of the bridge, I don't know what the name is of this one but it'll be "Puerta de" something, which basically means "door". This is what I love about Toledo- these buildings are from medieval times, when the visigoths were around, and yes they have all had some kind of restoration to some degree, but they look like they were literally built yesterday, even if the style's a bit oldy-worldy. Everything feels so clean, nothing feels old and horrible, you actually want to look at things here.



View looking up to the city- see what I mean about it being medieval? It looks far more impressive than anything JRR Tolkien could have dreamt up. (I'm referencing the Two Towers film, where the city they have the battle in loooked a bit similar to this) and the design was very typical of the time, as it all came down to safety- from up there you could see your enemies from far away, and it was a much better option to defend from above. Those clever Toledanos!



This is part of the river, I'm not quite sure what is happening there as I don't know anything about the geography of rivers, but it mesmerised me. The river was almost being sucked down, really fast, it looked really violent. Whether it's natural or not doesn't make any difference to me. Considering my worst fear is drowning, I don't think it was a good idea for me to stay there for too long, but for some reason I couldn't pull myself away!

My main wish is to take pictures of this part of the city during sunset hours, which is mainly when I run, and it is SO beautiful it is unreal. So that is my next task, especially before I leave for England (which is in 19 days yipee!). I am meaning to take a few more, and better, pictures of "el casco", the actual city, but I don't enjoy taking pictures of buildings as much as I do as scenary, so we shall see!

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the pictures!

:D

"Talents are best nurtured in solitude, but character is best formed in the stormy billows of the world."

Hey people,

So while I’ve been sitting here trying to do work (and in some part succeeding, in some part not) I’ve been thinking quite a bit about what it that constitutes “character” in a person, whether it be strength of character or weakness, and just about the mentality that some people have. This may well be a bit of a rambling post, and I want to start off by saying- I am in no way a perfect person. I make mistakes all the time, I say the wrong thing, I do the wrong thing, and sometimes I don’t like to admit it. But in the end, I like to think that I admit, and I take responsibility for my words and for my actions.

So, to begin. This thinking about character and mentality has somewhat come from my experiences here. Not all, but sometimes I have to think really hard since being here. When I came here, I knew that it would be in some way like I was starting university all over again. Of course, I was coming to a whole new university, in a completely different country, and there would be new people. I was terrified. After two years at my English university, I finally felt settled. I had friends there, but I also had a social group at home. I had a very active social life, and I loved (and still do love) my friends. I felt comfortable. I was starting over completely.

Terrifying. Having been here for three months today, I do feel settled. I have an active social life. But, do I have close friends? I would have to say- not many at all. There are some people here that I would consider friends, and I talk to them a lot and tell them things. But closeness takes time.

There are also those people here who I cannot for the life of me figure out. I admit that I rely a lot on my first impression of people, which can often be to my disadvantage- I guess you could say that I judge very quickly, and sometimes, I find that I am COMPLETELY wrong with what I thought about someone. I may think that they are an idiot when I first meet them, and then find that actually, they are nice, funny, someone I want to be around. (For the record, people when they first meet me often think that I think that I am always right, or that I am “up myself”, which couldn’t be further from the truth). So I know that first impressions don’t always count.

But, saying that, there is something to be said for how someone behaves when you first meet them, or for what you think initially. There have been a couple of people here who at first, I didn’t like. Then, gradually, I start to like them and tell myself, you were completely wrong about them. But then, as it turns out, I was right the first time. That is not to say that I am hugely surprised, and I don’t feel I have lost any great friends in this way. It just reinforces the feeling that I should trust my gut.

There are some people who I have met who I just cannot understand why they behave the way they do. The gossip, for example. This as a Erasmus year, for some reason means that people feel that they can go crazy, and act out way beyond their boundaries that they would have in their home countries, and for whatever it is ok. But what I seem to notice is that people are WAY more interested in what you do here than when they are at home. So the fact that people do more “scandalous” things, and that people are more likely to know and talk about it, equals a disaster for some people. Hell, you don’t even have to do anything and you get gossiped about. I’ve been told that I did something the other night that I DID NOT do. It’s quite amazing to be told you did something you didn’t know you did when you were fully conscious. Deary me!

I’ve been told that this isn’t actually gossip, but it’s people who are immature and don’t think about what they say. Hmm’k. If you are immature, that means you have a REASON for why you act the way you do- but i have never heard “immature” as a character flaw being used in a court of law, nor does it get you off in any normal everyday situations.

I was asked last night, “Surely you did some things like that when you were young and immature?” And honestly, I don’t think I have gone round saying things that really aren’t true. I have never, no matter what anyone believes, spread rumours about people. I am 20 years old, one of the youngest here in fact, and I feel much more like an adult than the way a lot of people act here.

Apparently it’s because people on the continent don’t tend to live outside of mummy and daddy’s house until they leave university, and this is the first time they have been away from home. Ok, so I can kind of understand that. But do you not learn any kind of maturity whilst you are living with your parents? Do they not teach you anything?

I just get frustrated. I feel like I have been through a lot in my life, and although in no way has my life been harder than anyone else’s, my life has been a challenge for me, which I have so far overcome. Last year, something major happened to me, and it affected everyone around me in my life. When it first happened, I really didn’t know how I was going to feel normal again. My mum’s favourite saying is, “this too shall pass”, but at that point in time I didn’t see how it was going to. I think that was one of the biggest things I have had to overcome. But now, more than a year on, I can look back on it and think, “I have properly moved on.” I don’t know if I can say I am over it, because some things are so major that there will be a tiny scar left forever, but as long as the scar is healed- you can still see it, but only the faint memory.

I don’t think my point here is that clear. What I think I feel about something like this is that, sometimes I feel that people haven’t really been through a lot. Lucky them! Seriously, to lead a charmed life must be amazing. But I think sometimes people need some kind of hardship to make them think, “Ok, I’m going to be a better person now.”

I by no means whish ill on ANYONE. No one should have to go through major stuff. But I think life is, for many people, a series of challenges that you must overcome, and when you come out the end of every challenge, you come out a little bruised and scared, but you eventually become a much better person.

I may look back at this post in 5 years and think, “Mate, I was an ARSE back then!” And that’s ok. Because as life goes forward, so do I.

:D

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming (or running)...

Hey people,

So as some/most/all of you know, I’m a runner. Some people may call it jogging, but I don’t like that verb. Runner sounds far more impressive. And, to be honest, I don’t really jog, I go a bit faster than a “jog”. There is my justification.

Anyway. I’ve been “running” on and off for about 4 years now, more off in the past year or so, but I was a very regular runner for a long time, and now I am starting to rekindle my love of it.

I remember when I first started properly. I was 15, school had just finished, and I was trying to find things to do to pass the summer holidays before college. I’d gone for a couple of runs through the local park, but I could literally only manage a couple of minutes before I felt sick, and I would get these really intense headaches when I got home because I wasn’t used to the adrenaline of exercise. I wasn’t fat, certainly not overweight, but after dancing from when I was 4 until I was 14, I pretty much just stopped doing anything whatsoever apart from walking. For the most part, I was very lazy. I decided to try and get fit.

So, during that summer, I went running, and gradually (and I mean, very gradually) built up my stamina. It didn’t help that at that point I was buying cheapo trainers, and in due course I hurt my knee, which happened on a regular basis until I spoke to someone who told me about a shop where they sell PROPER sport shoes. They put you on a treadmill, you try out the trainers, the fit, and it means you’re far less likely to damage yourself through being unsupported.

I think I’m waffling.

So, eventually over the course of a couple of years, I built my stamina up to the point where I was doing about 7 miles each run, which took me about 70 minutes (so I was running about 6 miles an hour, for a short girl, not that bad, right!?) At that time I had very poor body image, and I got very skinny what with running so much and not eating as much as I should have done.

Then I went to university, and although I was still running, I gradually loosened my self-control, ate (and drank) a lot more, and put on some weight. Due to work, going out, and being lazy, I stopped running so far, and that gradually reduced to not running as much either. I was still running, but I didn’t feel the same motivation every time where I WANTED to run.

I’m now in my third year of university, and although i have been on runs on and off since that first year of university, I’ve decided that i am going to get properly back into it. And there’s a couple of reasons why.

Firstly, I really do adore running, even if I don’t go as often as I should do (and I say “should”, just because there may be a preconception where runners go running every day, when in reality, it’s actually better if you don’t). I love the adrenaline rush you get during, but especially after, a run, and I love how the time just passes. You’ll be at one part of your run, and it almost feels like you take a breath, and you’ve run 3 miles. It’s an amazing feeling. Sometimes it really does feel like you’re just floating. Yeah, running can be hard work, but it’s SO worth it.

I’m an outdoor runner. And this is really the second best reason why I love running. When you go running outside, no matter what the weather is, it just feels good. Especially when you find some really nice places to run through. Nice may not be the same for everyone. I’m perfectly happy to run along arterial roads, through housing estates, through town centres. To be honest, some of the best places I have run have been down roads with REALLY fancy houses, especially at Christmas time when they have all their nice lights and decorations up. I don’t really understand people that only run on treadmills- I personally can’t do it because I feel restricted, and I end up getting stitches very early on in the run, when ordinarily I don’t get stitches. Whatever works for you I guess!

I love running at sunset- to leave the house and it be evening, and, having run through the sunset, to return when it’s dark, it just feels so good. And I can’t even begin to describe why.

Living in Toledo now, I have FINALLY discovered the track where everyone tells me is really good to run- alongside the River Tajo. Luckily it’s not that far from my flat, and I go about 3 times a week at the moment. I’m running about 20 minutes continuously, and although that is not as impressive as my longest runs, for where I was, I’m really happy with the pace I’m at. I’ve been doing it for about 3 weeks now, and I’m already so pleased with my progress. It’s a beautiful track, and it’s really quite long (I haven’t quite gotten to the end yet, I’m not sure where it comes out, and how I would get back to my flat!), it has hills and the ground is flat. It’s perfect.

I’m lucky in that, as I’ve been a dancer and have been running for a few years now, it only takes me a little time for my muscles to come back to ease the running process. I can really just run for a couple of times a week, for a couple of weeks, and for whatever reason, my legs just snap back into shape. The rest of me takes a little more time, but that’s ok.

I’m not running now to lose weight, but to feel fit and strong again feels so amazing. Toledo seems like a city of runners, any time of day, wherever I am, even in the streets with cobbles, there will be someone running. And that really makes me happy. Whenever I see someone running, wherever I am, I actually feel jealous, as well as happy. I wish I was running at that moment in time. I want to know what their route is. I’m not sure if that’s a normal reaction.

But hey, I’m a runner!

:D

The only universal sign seems to be to flip someone off...

Hey people,

So I’ve been thinking a bit about hand gestures. Growing up only in England, I would never have imagined that any hand gestures I did were solely a cultural thing. But going abroad, and learning about different cultures and languages, I learn more and more that hand gestures, amongst other things, are almost as important as language when it comes to understanding.

A minor one, which occurred to me when I was walking to the shop today, was that when you cross a road in England, and a car stops to let you cross, you put your hand up, palm forward, to show your thanks. (Well, I do it at zebra-crossings too, although I’m constantly told I needn’t) It’s rude if you don’t do it in England. But today, I went to cross, the car was there so I stopped, and it let me cross. Instinctively, I put my hand up, and the driver stares at me as if I’d gone to throw a brick through his windscreen. Now, I don’t know if you’re “supposed” to do it here, and no one does, or if it’s just something that no one does here. But I do it EVERY SINGLE TIME purely because I do it every day in England. Things like that I can’t stop myself from doing.

A more serious one, and I say serious just because it gets me every time, is the “two fingers in a V” sign. Ya know, like this:

(yes, I did it the wrong way, I was supposed to be Chinese and epically failed at the V sign Asians make).

But anyway. It shocks me whenever I see someone doing that to me. Not just the Spanish, but other nationalities too. The first time it happened to me was when I was working in Barcelona; I was at a family meal with a family friend, who was sitting opposite me. She was talking about two boys, and to demonstrate that there were “two” she did that sign to me. I was visibly shocked, and I think I scared her for a minute, but then she carried on as if nothing had happened. Why did I feel so offended? It took me about 5 minutes to realise exactly why it wouldn’t even occur to them to think that this sign would offend me.

I’m a bit shaky on the details, but basically there was a war/battle between the English and French; when the French captured the English, they would cut off the two first fingers on one hand, so that they were unable to pull the triggers on their rifles. And, as such, whenever the English then saw the French, they would stick their two fingers up at them, to show them that they still had their fingers, and could therefore still shoot them.

I’m not sure how ingrained this is in a lot of English people, but it is something that I was taught is very offensive, and it’s just something that you don’t do. But I’ve had it done to me MANY times since I’ve been here, and although every time it shocks me a little, every time I get a little bit more used to it.

English sensibilities these days...I feel so conservative!

UPDATE: My mother informs me that I am completely wrong, and it was a lot earlier than when they had rifles, it was actually to do with archers and using their bows. So there you go, it's even deeper ingrained than I first thought!

Just....amazing.

Hey people,

I thought that this time round I would do a more personal blog. By personal, I don’t mean I shall be divulging any of my deep dark secrets, so if that’s what you’re after, I’m afraid you will be disappointed.

But anyway. I got back into Toledo about 4 hours at the time of writing this, and I’m exhausted, but I think I’ve got so much adrenaline running through my veins at this moment in time that I won’t sleep that much, if at all tonight. The reason for this? I went back to England on Thursday, after 10 weeks of being out of the country, of not seeing my family and friends, and generally just being an English person. Whenever people ask me how it was, I answer with one word, and the same word every time- AMAZING!

As far as my memory goes back (and as I do drink on the odd occasion, my memory isn’t quite what it used to be) it was one of the best weekends I’ve ever had. It was certainly one of the most intense, and definitely one of the most emotional. I spent a lot of Sunday crying, happy crying, sad crying- bitter-sweet crying. I also cried this morning at the airport as my mum waved me away, and I also cried a little in the departure lounge.

This may sound like it’s because I’m unhappy in Spain. Far from it. I’m not quite sure why I was so emotional, but it just seemed to me that I realised just how lucky I was, and how much I have...I realised how much I love my family, my friends, the little jokes you have with friends, and just how much people love and care about you, and how much you love and care about them. But then, I am also a strong enough person that I can move abroad, I can be out here, in another culture and using another language, and survive...

I spent almost half my time with my family in Essex, and then the other half with my friends in Kent where I normally study. Both halves were equally as amazing. In Essex, I had a meal cooked for me, I watched tv with my mum like the good old days, and I picked my brother up from school and picked him up like I used to. In Canterbury, I went out with my friends, I spent an hour in a club toilet having a heart-to-heart, and I laughed and talked about what had happened the night before. Just like old times. (Well, apart from the toilet thing, that is a unique thing which has never, and probably never will, happen again.) But also, and I don’t want to talk about specific people on here, but this was quite a major reason why I was so emotional- I made peace with someone in my life who was a major part of it, and with whom my relationship rapidly fell apart. That felt like a massive relief. And although I am still quite confused about that whole part of my life at the moment, with time, I know I will make sense of it...

I’m starting to realise that whatever happens in life, be it good or bad, eventually everything just becomes memories: part of the past, things that you can tell as anecdotes, or use as a warning of what to do in the future. I have a habit of building things up in my head, things that I think are gonna be very hard or that I just don’t want to do, and I picture them as “obstacles” that I have to get over that day or that week. Once I’m over that obstacle, I feel fine. But it’s the build-up of having to face that obstacle which gets me every time.

The most recent example is this: I was SURE that using the metro in Madrid to get to the airport was going to be THE WORST THING EVER. I was sure that I’d get to the first train station, and not be able to find any information, not know where to go, what to do, and I’d get the wrong trains and miss my plane. I don’t know if it’s because I think I am a moron (which I can be sometimes) or I think that the public bodies make these things as awkward as possible so no one can use them (because that would be so good for them, right?), but I was certain this was going to end badly. What happened? I got to the airport on time, with no problems whatsoever. I found the original train station, I bought my ticket, I found all the right platforms, and I got to the airport in quicker time than the website told me I would.

What is the point to my rambling? Well, I guess it’s that I’m beginning to learn that actually, these things are not that hard- you have to trust in yourself that you WILL be able to cope, that building things up is not worth it (ever), and even if it did go wrong? You can laugh about it later. It’s an EXPERIENCE.

That’s all that life is at the end of the day. It’s a book that every single day, you fill up of your habits, your actions, your thoughts, your feelings, your interactions with others- your EXPERIENCE. I don’t quite know what happens with your book when you kick the bucket, that’s a whole different blog post. But I do know, that this weekend has shown me an awful lot.

Even if it's only that I can find my way through Madrid’s Metro system and survive ;)