"Talents are best nurtured in solitude, but character is best formed in the stormy billows of the world."

Hey people,

So while I’ve been sitting here trying to do work (and in some part succeeding, in some part not) I’ve been thinking quite a bit about what it that constitutes “character” in a person, whether it be strength of character or weakness, and just about the mentality that some people have. This may well be a bit of a rambling post, and I want to start off by saying- I am in no way a perfect person. I make mistakes all the time, I say the wrong thing, I do the wrong thing, and sometimes I don’t like to admit it. But in the end, I like to think that I admit, and I take responsibility for my words and for my actions.

So, to begin. This thinking about character and mentality has somewhat come from my experiences here. Not all, but sometimes I have to think really hard since being here. When I came here, I knew that it would be in some way like I was starting university all over again. Of course, I was coming to a whole new university, in a completely different country, and there would be new people. I was terrified. After two years at my English university, I finally felt settled. I had friends there, but I also had a social group at home. I had a very active social life, and I loved (and still do love) my friends. I felt comfortable. I was starting over completely.

Terrifying. Having been here for three months today, I do feel settled. I have an active social life. But, do I have close friends? I would have to say- not many at all. There are some people here that I would consider friends, and I talk to them a lot and tell them things. But closeness takes time.

There are also those people here who I cannot for the life of me figure out. I admit that I rely a lot on my first impression of people, which can often be to my disadvantage- I guess you could say that I judge very quickly, and sometimes, I find that I am COMPLETELY wrong with what I thought about someone. I may think that they are an idiot when I first meet them, and then find that actually, they are nice, funny, someone I want to be around. (For the record, people when they first meet me often think that I think that I am always right, or that I am “up myself”, which couldn’t be further from the truth). So I know that first impressions don’t always count.

But, saying that, there is something to be said for how someone behaves when you first meet them, or for what you think initially. There have been a couple of people here who at first, I didn’t like. Then, gradually, I start to like them and tell myself, you were completely wrong about them. But then, as it turns out, I was right the first time. That is not to say that I am hugely surprised, and I don’t feel I have lost any great friends in this way. It just reinforces the feeling that I should trust my gut.

There are some people who I have met who I just cannot understand why they behave the way they do. The gossip, for example. This as a Erasmus year, for some reason means that people feel that they can go crazy, and act out way beyond their boundaries that they would have in their home countries, and for whatever it is ok. But what I seem to notice is that people are WAY more interested in what you do here than when they are at home. So the fact that people do more “scandalous” things, and that people are more likely to know and talk about it, equals a disaster for some people. Hell, you don’t even have to do anything and you get gossiped about. I’ve been told that I did something the other night that I DID NOT do. It’s quite amazing to be told you did something you didn’t know you did when you were fully conscious. Deary me!

I’ve been told that this isn’t actually gossip, but it’s people who are immature and don’t think about what they say. Hmm’k. If you are immature, that means you have a REASON for why you act the way you do- but i have never heard “immature” as a character flaw being used in a court of law, nor does it get you off in any normal everyday situations.

I was asked last night, “Surely you did some things like that when you were young and immature?” And honestly, I don’t think I have gone round saying things that really aren’t true. I have never, no matter what anyone believes, spread rumours about people. I am 20 years old, one of the youngest here in fact, and I feel much more like an adult than the way a lot of people act here.

Apparently it’s because people on the continent don’t tend to live outside of mummy and daddy’s house until they leave university, and this is the first time they have been away from home. Ok, so I can kind of understand that. But do you not learn any kind of maturity whilst you are living with your parents? Do they not teach you anything?

I just get frustrated. I feel like I have been through a lot in my life, and although in no way has my life been harder than anyone else’s, my life has been a challenge for me, which I have so far overcome. Last year, something major happened to me, and it affected everyone around me in my life. When it first happened, I really didn’t know how I was going to feel normal again. My mum’s favourite saying is, “this too shall pass”, but at that point in time I didn’t see how it was going to. I think that was one of the biggest things I have had to overcome. But now, more than a year on, I can look back on it and think, “I have properly moved on.” I don’t know if I can say I am over it, because some things are so major that there will be a tiny scar left forever, but as long as the scar is healed- you can still see it, but only the faint memory.

I don’t think my point here is that clear. What I think I feel about something like this is that, sometimes I feel that people haven’t really been through a lot. Lucky them! Seriously, to lead a charmed life must be amazing. But I think sometimes people need some kind of hardship to make them think, “Ok, I’m going to be a better person now.”

I by no means whish ill on ANYONE. No one should have to go through major stuff. But I think life is, for many people, a series of challenges that you must overcome, and when you come out the end of every challenge, you come out a little bruised and scared, but you eventually become a much better person.

I may look back at this post in 5 years and think, “Mate, I was an ARSE back then!” And that’s ok. Because as life goes forward, so do I.

:D