The beginning of the end...

Hello,

This is another post that I’m writing instead of revising like I should be....procrastination ftw....

Anyway, this post is about my leaving Toledo. The end of my Erasmus. Today I have officially a month before I set off for the colder and more rainy climes of Inglaterra. A month may sound like a while, but when you’ve been here for ten months already like I have, it’s a drop in the ocean.

I can’t even begin to explain how long I’ve wanted to and looked forward to living in Spain. I think it must have been since I was 14 that I decided I wanted to live in Spain, and then once I started university and had the prospect of a year abroad in Spain dangled in front of me I was ecstatic. I was nervous as hell, don’t get me wrong; I didn’t sleep for the two weeks before I moved out here, I was so scared. I’ve lived on my own before, and in Spain before, but not for as long. It was scary. I’d have to find somewhere to live, make new friends, speak Spanish all day every day....I would say it has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. But I settled in quickly, became accostumed to speaking Spanish every day, even made the huge leap into buying very Spanish food to cook and eat by myself. It has been a huge learning experience.

The thing is, I’m not sure I want to leave. But I’m not sure I want to stay. I don’t know if you’ve ever been torn between staying somewhere and moving somewhere else; if you have, you’ll know how I feel.

I am ultimately a very English girl- I was born and bred there, my whole family is English, I have a network of friends both where I live with my family and where I study. I am English by culture. But I also adore Spain, the language and the culture. And I especially love Toledo- I fell in love with it here as soon as I came. Even on my darkest days, just being here in this beautiful old city, surrounded by gorgeous scenery has made me realise how lucky I am to have the experience of living here.

The studying part of it....well, the least said about that the better. But the other great part about Erasmus is the social life- I don’t care if teachers tell you to concentrate on studying and to not go out that much, you just can’t do that if you really want to get the full experience. Sure, I moved out here to meet Spanish people, but in the end I got a lot more than that- I’ve met people from all over the world. People I never thought I’d get to meet, people that I never thought I’d find a common ground with. But I have met some very interesting and overall funny people. This experience wouldn’t have been the same without a single one of them.

A lot of people have already started to leave. Whether it’s for trips that they’re doing before their long journey home, or whether they have just gone straight back home, it’s official- it’s the beginning of the end.

I hate goodbyes. Especially to people whom you don’t know when, or whether, you will see them again. I try to stick by the old adage “Don’t be sad that it’s over, just be glad it’s happened”, that is to say, to be glad that I got to meet these people in the first place, and to not be sad that I might not see them again. The world is every smaller these days anyway, what with technology, and the fact that travelling across the world is getting easier by the year!

I know that when I go home, I will be sad because my Spanish experience (for now) will be over...whether I live here again or not is to be decided. I always said that this year would be the real test to see if I could live out here my whole life. And the truth? Well, I can obviously do it. You get used to the culture, and my Spanish improves the more I stay here. I think eventually I could make a life for myself out here. The question would be whether I would ultimately want to do it. Who knows. I can’t bear the thought that I will never get to see Toledo again....but I do believe that a place is really the sum of the location, and the people that are here, the people you spend your time with. Even if I were to return in the future, would it be the same?

I doubt it.

I have so many memories from here. I can’t believe that soon it will be over...However, I am excited for the future. And whatever it may bring.

:)