The only way is to get away from Essex....why do you think I'm in Spain!?

Hey people,

The other day, I was sitting in my room, not doing anything, just watching facebook update itself (a standard evening in). All over my newsfeed was people talking about what seemed to be a new television programme, “the only way is Essex.” Everyone was saying how ridiculous it was. After a bit of research, I found out it seemed to be an English, Essex, version of the popular US-reality/drama The Hills. I am a self-confessed viewer of The Hills, and I am from Essex, so I wanted to see exactly what all the fuss was about. Yesterday, I found it, and watched it.

I actually wish I’d never bothered.

Now, I am from Essex. Of course, I get the “Ohhhhh you’re an Essex girl, I’ve heard ALL about them!”, and although I don’t like it, I’m pretty immune to it now. But this programme made me to want to rip my eyes and eyes out, and to go to elecution lessons.

As far as I could tell, this programme is set in Brentwood and the surrounding area, which is literally just up the road from me. But it actually felt like it was set in an entirely different world. I grew up in an Essex school, and went to college in Essex, but I have NEVER seen so much makeup, fake hair and fake eyelashes in my life. How much money did they actually spend on all that makeup? Part of the reason I could tell how much they were wearing because of the very helpful/weird close-ups and pan-outs from several of the girls’ eye-makeup. Very bizarre. Just in case we weren’t wearing our glasses and missed how much trouble they’d all gone to, to make themselves look like they’d been punched in the face, maybe?

One question....now, I know a little bit about makeup, I can do my own pretty ok, I watch videos and I read articles on the internet about how to apply makeup. But not once have I seen a tutorial on how to get an orange face ALL OVER. I know about foundation. I know about bronzer. But how did they get the effect of bronzer smoothly across every part of their face? I feel like I’ve missed something. Do they buy a foundation that is a lot darker than they are? Or do they use fake tan as foundation? I don’t really understand. I feel like a bad Essex girl for not knowing these tricks.

Should I too be orange?

Something else that came to my attention, was a blonde girl called Sam. When I first watched it, I thought Sam was about 24, an age I kind of plucked out of the air because I knew that one of the other girls, Lauren, was 24. Sam to me looked a lot older than 24, but I thought, hey, she must be 24, she just looks older because of all the makeup. Then I read an article about the show. Apparently she’s 19!? She’s a year younger than me. And I get id’d EVEYWHERE because people think I’m under 18.

I’m thinking of investing in a shovel to put my makeup on with too!

Please don’t even get me started on the accents. I think my head would explode.

:D